Gamesylvania

We used to have these things called “1-900″ phone numbers. You could get advice from your psychic friends, have a heart-to-heart with Freddy Krueger or get video game tips from “the pros.” I wasn’t allowed to watch Freddy Krueger, and, even at that age, I knew psychics were bogus, so I went straight for the game tips.

It turns out the game tips line was equally bogus. I assumed there was going to be an actual “pro” on the other end who was going to help me out with my video game, but there wasn’t — it was just a bunch of mumbling, chatterbox kids talking about how they got the oak stake in Castlevania 2, or whatever. I listened for a few minutes and then hung up the phone. Did I do something wrong? Where was “the pro?” I called again, but I got the same result. I didn’t even really have a question, I just wanted to talk about video games. Well, about a month later, the phone bill came. My dad wasn’t too happy when I told him it was the baby-sitter who was making all calls to “1-900″ numbers. I told the baby-sitter not to, but she just wouldn’t listen!

The point of this story is: kids are dumb. Like when you tell your sister there’s a special warp zone in one of the bottomless pits of world 1-1 in Super Mario Bros., but you can’t remember which one, so she’s going to have to jump down each one to investigate. You’d do it yourself, of course, but you passed that level and completely forgot about the warp zone. You can actually get away with this a couple times before your siblings find out, especially if you show them where the hidden 1-UP mushroom is on that level. Once they see that block pop out of nowhere and the green mushroom goes running across the bottom of the screen, they’ll believe anything.

Unfortunately, kids haven’t gotten much smarter in the last 20 years, they’ve just gotten a lot more efficient at making poor decisions. For example, my poor decision resulted in an extra $20 in charges (give or take) being tacked on to the end of the phone bill. Even in 1980s dollars, that’s nothing compared to a boy in the UK who spent £900 on FarmVille which, in American dollars, is about $1,383. Ouch!

The kid blew it all on virtual items for the extremely popular Facebook game FarmVille according to The Guardian Co.Uk.

Neither Zynga, the game’s creators, nor Facebook are going to return the money, and that’s that. The mother wishes to remain anonymous but hopes that others learn from this and take action by, presumably, hiding their credit cards in a better place.

Hey, if spending money on virtual stuff for your virtual farm floats your boat, more power to you. Just remember, kids: those virtual things cost real money. Oh, and there really is a warp world in the bottom of one of the pits on World 1-1 of Super Mario Bros., you just have to make sure you’re pointing backwards and heading in at the right angle. Trust me.

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